Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Iced in

It has been a while... sorry about that.

I am starting to feel better from my latest surgery. So, to keep count, I now no longer have:
  • Appendix
  • Gall Bladder
  • Wisdom Teeth
So, from what I see, the only things left are my tonsils and 1 kidney (don't want to lose the kidney though).

Oh, I also have extra titanium in my left ankle area.

So, my score is -2... (-3 for missing items and +1 for extra item).

I watched the movie "Sicko" last night. I REALLY think that EVERYONE should see this movie. It is Michael Moore. I know that many people do not like him for some of the stuff he has done, but I really think he is trying to be the voice of the people when the people don't know what is going on. His movies, especially this one, are trying to make a point and somewhat educate the people of the US about things that are important.... he is sort of like a news reporter that is very persistent. Sure, some of the stuff is a bit melodramatic, but it helps make the point. This movie, more so than any others, is important to EVERYONE!

Anyway, there was my soapbox speech.

Back to me :)

I am still sore though. Anything that moves the appendix area of the body hurts. So, bathroom trips are an interesting task. The only thing that I have going for me is that some of my MS medication dulls pain, so I am not feeling as much pain.

Well, that's it, I guess. Done talking. L8er.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Wild couple weeks

So, I went on vacation a couple weeks ago (Thanksgiving break). It was a good time. Snorkeling was the best part for me. My MS didn't bother me too much, but I was quite tired at times.

It was a cruise and found out that days at sea are really BORING. They have a captive audience and try to sell, sell, sell. Besides that, there wasn't much to do if you weren't going to spend your time gambling.

My birthday fell on the last day at sea. I wasn't feeling very well. The next morning I was feeling worse! I had to get off the boat, go through customs, get to the airport, wait through the security line, then sleep on the floor while waiting for my flight. Fly back home (all the time feeling like shit).

My wife had decided that I HAD to go to the hospital. I went. My appendix had ruptured!!! I was a day or two away from dead.... needless to say, I was in the hospital for most of the week and am still on pain meds now (1 week since surgery) with new cuts and bruises on me.

Needless to say, it has been wild. Tomorrow I will TRY to go back to work. I am a little worried about that since I know that there are a million things waiting for me.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Late again

I know that staying late is not good for my MS, but it is more important to keep the job to keep $$ for the family.

I am staying late because of some of the stuff that I have that is not in my control. I am depending on someone else to set up some things for me. I don't really like too many things (at my work) out of control, especially when I know that I could have done it, myself, already.

I am finding the added stress, sometimes, adds to my fatigue exponentially. And, that is not good. But, still, I wait. I try to make sure that I do not lose my temper, which is very difficult, and everyone would know, when you get tired.

BTW, I did get my tattoo and my wife was not nearly as upset about it as I thought she would be... but the kids really liked it. I have been doing what was recommended and adding lotion to it constantly. Had to be lubriderm since it has less alcohol in it. I tried some others and they burned.

Honestly, the tattoo was nothing in comparison to the shots that I take. Not nearly as painful, although my shots don't take 3 hours of boredom.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Home Alone

Well, wife and kids are out of town... I am left all alone! This generally not the greatest of plans since I don't normally do well alone, but I am taking the time to rest. Of course, the weather is awesome... but no one to do anything with.

I have stuff to do (inside) and hate to spend my time in the house, but I really need to.

I really don't have much to say, just that I am fine and am taking care of stuff that I needed to do (besides rest). I have a feeling that I won't get in as much rest as I had planned, but that is just part of being me. I am not feeling bad. I actually slept til 11am (went to bed at 1am). That is good.

I am finding that extra sleep at night is not the cure, it is rest during the day that seems to keep everything in order.

I think I am going to go get a tattoo today. I have been planning one for a while. It has my kids' names on it... something that is permanent... kids can't go away. I love my wife dearly, but that is just not the right person's name to put on a tattoo. I had pretty much forgotten all about the tattoo plans, but I had told my daughters that I was going to do it a couple months ago and they asked where it was at... That pretty much sealed the decision to do so.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Another Late Night

I haven't added anything in a while, though I keep thinking about it. I have been way too tired to do it. I know that sounds like an excuse, but it is really true.

I get home from work, change my clothes, and plop down on my couch... I get up to prep my shot or to have a cig or bathroom trip, but that is about it. It pretty much puts me in a down mood knowing that I should be doing something productive, but the MS is telling me no.

Yes, I said cigs and yes, I know. My last party with IV Steriods messed me up... I was acting all kinds of frantic, psychotic, crazy and went back to cigs. I had not had a cig all year, then in June, that all changed.

So, no self-medication (alcohol) going on, so that is an improvement. I had really gotten bad there for a while.

So, now I am having problems with being so tired and fatigued... not sure if that is a small MS exacerbation or it is the status quo that I have not accepted yet, or just being me and spending too much time working. Either way, it sucks.

That is all I got for today... maybe more tomorrow.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Working late

Working late tonight. Trying to get some data populated... I am running into issues of data tranfer rates across the network (and secure internet). It is almost finished.

Doing work that I was not intending to do originally, but something missed by another sits on my shoulders. So, I stay late. Everyone has been gone from the office about 4 hours now. Just me and the cleaning crew.

Pretty boring to read, but all I can do is kick off the scripts that I wrote to do all the work and wait. So, I have to have something to do.

Been worrying about my health a lot. My multiple sclerosis seems to be progressing a bit. I am not sure how many more years I have until I have to stop working or do something else that I will be capable to do. Who knows, with MS, you may have a day or 50 years. But, with the number of scars that I have on my brain and spine, it looks like a mine field on the MRI results.

I haven't had an MRI lately. Maybe that is a good thing. It just be depressing.

The fatigue issue is really getting to me. I feel all alone most of the time when I get home since I am too tired to do much of anything with my kids. My wife then has to pick up the slack and therefore, I feel pretty guilty, but I know I can psych my self up to doing things, but 1) it is not healthy for me to do so; and, 2) I am having a hard time convincing myself to do so.

Damn! The process is still running...

Looking at me, you would never know I have MS. I think that makes it hard for people to understand stuff. The fatigue is very hard to describe. Normal people don't seem to understand why I can sit all day and work, yet feel like I just laid concrete all day and am so tired and fatigued.

I have other symptoms... ears ring 24/7... It is sort of like being 5' from a shotgun barrel when it goes off (without ear protection) and the ensuing ringing that occurs, but goes away in a few minutes or hours... I have that permanently... try going to sleep every night with that ringing... I can tune it out during the day, but it is tough to fall asleep... especially with the MS insomnia to go with it.

How about the vertigo that happens on a whim... have to grab on to something and wait until it goes away... so many falls, trips, slips, broken bones, stitches, etc. to go with it... sucks

Depression goes with it too... very hard to keep that under control since it is a symptom and it is added to by all the other symptom effects. Sorry, hard to explain.

Lots of meds... shots cost $3k+ / month... thank god for insurance. Plus there are other drugs to keep the depression under control... plus allergies and asthma to go with it. But, even with the insurance, between dr visits & copays for the drugs, it is still hundreds a month.

Still not finished! I wrote the scripts to work as fast as possible, but the amount of data going across the network is killing me. And, I am somewhat an expert in what I do... constant head-hunters calling, emailing me and anyone associated with me... little do they know what they would be getting.

On top of everything, I have midwest values and feel like I need to do certain things including the bread-winning which is going well right now, but what happens when I can no longer work.

Uh. Oh.... there goes my watch beeping... it reminds me that I need to take my shot.

WOOO HOOOOO... finished!

Grand opening

This is my first post to a site to let me talk some things out. The title of the site pretty much tells you 90% about me on a general scale... there is obviously more than that, but the MS+Dad+Wife+Job calculation really causes most of the stuff to talk about.

As I go on, I will give out a little more information, but not too specific (this is where the wife comes in) as like giving out my SSN or something. She would have a hard time if I start giving out name, address, phone number information, but I am sure that if you are internet savvy, you can find it.

That's all for now... I don't know if this will be an every day thing or every hour thing or every month thing.... we'll see.