Sunday, June 22, 2008


I have been having some problems with pain for the past few weeks. The locations are random on my head. It feels like a mini-migraine and lasts for only a few minutes. It pretty much sucks. When they hit (no warning, just pain), I lose my train of thought and it is difficult to speak or anything. It does not take away any motor skills or anything, just moves all attention to the pain. Like I needed something else.

I have been taking hydrocodone and oxycodone to mask it, but it is still there, nonetheless. In the middle of all of this, my job has ramped up so I have a LOT of work to do in a very small amount of time. So much for trying to take it easy.

I had to leave in the middle to go to a wedding. The wedding was planned a year ago and it was on my schedule to leave since then. The work necessity came up about a week before and suddenly I was under pressure to work. They wanted me to work while I was at the wedding and make sure to keep up with my email, etc. No pressure.

I have been talking for months about getting some help with what I do since, currently, there is NO ONE else in the company that knows how to do it. Basically, if there is Oracle work, I have to do it. No problem. But there is a limitation with how much time there is in a day and the fact that I really do need to sleep.

On top of all of this, I am still making less money than I did in 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006 & 2007. I can say 2007 even though I was working for the same company because in the beginning of the year, I was working a second job. This year, all salaries were frozen, so no raise. Oh, they also changed insurance, so I now pay a considerable amount more in insurance. Insurance is absolutely necessary in my case. Copaxone is not cheap.

To give you an idea, I am now working a second job again. This is absolutely wrong. My doctors... plural... all say the same thing that I should be taking disability right now and not working at all. So, what am I doing, working 2 jobs. My wife is working 2 jobs AND going to school to get her PhD. Basically, in my house there are 4 college degrees and a fifth on the way.

Oh, 3 daughters, 2 dogs, vehicles, house, etc... If we had more money, we could pay for some help with the house cleaning and such. We did have someone helping, but she was sporadic on when she would show up and pricey.

The pain (changed subject, I know) puts me in a down mood. Way down since I am being hit with intense pain without warning... I just know that it is coming. It is sort of a torture almost. Right now it is occurring about every hour, sometime more, sometimes less.

If the MS didn't make you live a life feeling all alone all the time. Seems kinda stupid, but ask anyone else with MS and they will tell you exactly the same. You cannot live a normal, active life all the time. You have to make time to rest (and feel like you are being lazy). You have to stay away from heat. You have to take a cocktail of pill every morning and again every night. You have to inject yourself with a painful shot EVERY day. No one else close to you has to do this. They just watch and think of it as a normal thing or something. Sorry, it is not.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008


I have a lot to say, but not much time to do it. So here goes. I apologize if a lot of it does not make sense.

I am having what I think are MS exacerbations or symptoms now. I have been having these mini-migraine headaches. Basically, I have a headache only in a small area of my head, like the side above the ear. It is pretty painful, but only last 5-15 minutes. The next one will be in a completely different spot on my head. Can't really take anything for it since I don't know it is coming and the medicine would not take effect until after it has gone away. Sucks!!!

My company changed insurance at the beginning of the year. It hurts. I take copaxone everyday and it is a very expensive regime. The price of it doubled. Plus I am supposed to go through a step routine for the medicines so I can take the medicines that I have been taking for years. Fortunately for me, my doctor is the same and he is taking care of those issues for me since it took me several grueling years to get to where I am at now. Also, the insurance won't cover things like Chantix and several other medicines now, so I have to pay out of pocket for them. Sucks!!!

BTW, I have be doing incredibly well at my job, going above and beyond and producing. How do they repay me for it?? Change insurance, causing more expenses.... and freeze all raises. Oh, in my household there are 4 college degrees... me=2, wife=2, but working on number 3 right now. College costs... debts cost.... medicine costs... kids cost....Sucks!!! I am now looking to work a second job. I am in pretty high demand, if I want to be, but I am not sure that my health can handle it. But, I want to live life without having the stress of life. ;)

Oh, I am so good at what I do, that the company is using my technology suggestions leaving me as the implementer of everything... but not allowing me another employee to help me out with the workload. The people that I work with are 95% microsoft based stuff. So, there is no one with the skills to cross over and I am not given the time to train anyone. The people with Microsoft skills tend to be IDE addicted and do not know the basis of anything underneath. Makes it hard for them to crossover since there are very few IDE's for what I do. I am a writer of code in a text editor. Old School. Sucks!!!

I have to do something about my weight now, too. I have been trying to slow down lately so I feel better. I take naps sometimes now.... it is getting hot outside (I can't handle that very well)... so I have been increasingly inactive. My weight has shot up. The only thing that I can willing do, it seems, is just to stop eating. I am now only eating 1 meal a day. It is not healthy and I know it. It is not working since my body just goes into starvation-mode and I don't lose anything but muscle. But, what do you do when you have MS and trying to lose weight.... Sucks!!!