Sunday, June 22, 2008


I have been having some problems with pain for the past few weeks. The locations are random on my head. It feels like a mini-migraine and lasts for only a few minutes. It pretty much sucks. When they hit (no warning, just pain), I lose my train of thought and it is difficult to speak or anything. It does not take away any motor skills or anything, just moves all attention to the pain. Like I needed something else.

I have been taking hydrocodone and oxycodone to mask it, but it is still there, nonetheless. In the middle of all of this, my job has ramped up so I have a LOT of work to do in a very small amount of time. So much for trying to take it easy.

I had to leave in the middle to go to a wedding. The wedding was planned a year ago and it was on my schedule to leave since then. The work necessity came up about a week before and suddenly I was under pressure to work. They wanted me to work while I was at the wedding and make sure to keep up with my email, etc. No pressure.

I have been talking for months about getting some help with what I do since, currently, there is NO ONE else in the company that knows how to do it. Basically, if there is Oracle work, I have to do it. No problem. But there is a limitation with how much time there is in a day and the fact that I really do need to sleep.

On top of all of this, I am still making less money than I did in 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006 & 2007. I can say 2007 even though I was working for the same company because in the beginning of the year, I was working a second job. This year, all salaries were frozen, so no raise. Oh, they also changed insurance, so I now pay a considerable amount more in insurance. Insurance is absolutely necessary in my case. Copaxone is not cheap.

To give you an idea, I am now working a second job again. This is absolutely wrong. My doctors... plural... all say the same thing that I should be taking disability right now and not working at all. So, what am I doing, working 2 jobs. My wife is working 2 jobs AND going to school to get her PhD. Basically, in my house there are 4 college degrees and a fifth on the way.

Oh, 3 daughters, 2 dogs, vehicles, house, etc... If we had more money, we could pay for some help with the house cleaning and such. We did have someone helping, but she was sporadic on when she would show up and pricey.

The pain (changed subject, I know) puts me in a down mood. Way down since I am being hit with intense pain without warning... I just know that it is coming. It is sort of a torture almost. Right now it is occurring about every hour, sometime more, sometimes less.

If the MS didn't make you live a life feeling all alone all the time. Seems kinda stupid, but ask anyone else with MS and they will tell you exactly the same. You cannot live a normal, active life all the time. You have to make time to rest (and feel like you are being lazy). You have to stay away from heat. You have to take a cocktail of pill every morning and again every night. You have to inject yourself with a painful shot EVERY day. No one else close to you has to do this. They just watch and think of it as a normal thing or something. Sorry, it is not.

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